Life lessons: Why you don't take your kid to a restaurant that doubles as a nightclub...

While washing hands in the restroom of a restaurant that is also a nightclub...

"Mama, may I have a euro?"


Evie looks sideways at the wall. "No reason."
I look at the wall too and see a coin operated vending machine. 

"Were you going to buy some panties?"
"Mama! No! Those cost two euros." She rolls her eyes.  "Why are there panties for sale in here anyways?"

Oh god....think quick...
"You know. In case of accidents. They sometimes happen to everyone?" Crap. That answer wasn't very convincing. 

Evie nods her heads and seems to accept this answer.  I quickly scrub my hands with soap and rinse them, silently thinking, "Don't sound out the word on the other machine. Don't attempt to read it. Don't attempt to read it. Don't..."

"What's in this purple one?" 
"Umm....ah....panty liners."
"What?" She narrows her eyes at me. 
"You know, just in case you think you'll have an accident in your new 2 euro panties. Time to go! Let's pay and get out of here." 

As we walk to the front door, she fiddles with a lego figurine she has stashed in her pocket and a piece falls to the floor. Panties and panty liners are quickly forgotten, and I say a silent prayer of thanks that my kid who loves to sound out and read new words didn't look twice at "condoms." Double thanks that the machine didn't have a picture to go with it. 

If you're looking for a life lesson nestled in all of this, take it from me. When you're craving a good hamburger in Italy, don't go to a restaurant that doubles as a nightclub to get one. And DEFINITELY don't take your kid there with you. 

Also, if you're ever in a bind where you need some fancy 2 euro panties, there are vending machines for that.