How to fail at making cookies in 22 easy steps
How to fail at making cookies in 22 steps
Step 1: Choose a recipe you love but haven’t made in 3+ years.
Step 2: Get cocky and fail to read the recipe fully before heading to the grocery store for supplies.
Step 3: Purchase semi-sweet chocolate for baking instead of unsweetened.
Step 4: Follow all of the instructions failing to notice that the recipe calls for unsweetened chocolate.
Step 5: Double the recipe because the cookies are the bomb.com and you want to impress everyone with your cookie baking prowess.
Step 6: Notice that the batter is lighter than usual, taste it, and decide it’s good enough.
Step 7: Preheat your oven. When it doesn’t come to temperature fast enough, complain to your spouse and then turn up the heat.
Step 8: Spouse opens the gas valve to your gas powered oven to help it heat up but doesn’t tell you.
Step 9: Put two pans of cookies in the oven at the same time because you have a convection fan and your spouse tells you it should be fine.
Step 10: Set the timer on the oven for the recommended time, turn on the oven light, and sit nearby to watch what happens.
Step 11: When the timer goes off, look at flat gooey cookies, reset timer, and bake them more.
Step 12: Curse because the cookies have burned, turn off the convection feature, rearrange cookie dough balls on subsequent cookie sheets, and only put one sheet in at a time.
Step 13: Curse when second batch comes out because they’re burned again. Turn down the heat on the oven. Decrease baking time by one minute.
Step 14: Throw a pot holder when the third batch is a little burned. Taste a cookie from the first batch. Declare it looks and tastes like a burned sugar cookie instead of a chocolate cookie.
Step 15: Throw the other pot holder.
Step 16: Spouse admits he opened the gas valve leading the oven to heat more.
Step 17: Pick up the pot holders and throw them at your spouse.
Step 18: Put in another batch of cookies, not even dipping into the second batch even though the recipe is doubled. Regret doubling the recipe.
Step 19: Ask spouse to taste test cookie. Glare when he declares, “It’s not bad….”
Step 20: Wonder aloud whether you should take partially burned cookies to an event in the morning that you’ve dubbed the “Deployed Member Cookie Boxing Spouse Social Event Thing.”
Step 21: Stomp around the kitchen when your own spouse who heard you wonder this aloud says, “No. You can’t take burned cookies to send downrange to deployed troops.”
Step 22: Use some choice curse words while deciding to just buy some candy to take in along with the 12 cookies out of 60+ that didn’t burn.
BONUS STEP! Never volunteer to make cookies ever again.